Saturday, November 18, 2017

the birthday post - 30

This is my tenth birthday post, so here's to a decade of keeping this tradition alive :)
I've taken in the world for 30 whole years. 
I must say it's been altogether intoxicating. 

I'm immensely grateful to be part of this world and to have experienced so much of the wonderful things it has to offer. 

This year has been one of the most insightful so far. 
I feel like I've grown years in this one year, and like I've travelled mentally to far-flung areas. 
This year, I've been on a journey of self-discovery. 
I've had a short stay in the 'Lost and Found' box -- but it was well worth it. 

Ever since I've moved, I feel like I'm constantly travelling. 
Things still jump out at me and take me by surprise.  
I'm deeply in love with the countryside here -- the swans, the streams, the sycamores. 

Home travels with you. 
Home is about freedom. And acceptance. 

I love cane and bamboo furniture. 
I have a weakness for plants, especially on window sills and desks and bookshelves.  
Peace lilies are still my favourite plants. 

I've spent a great amount of time this year watching the various creatures in the garden -- especially the birds. 
The best way to never get bored in a house is to install a bird feeder.
My favourite bird this year has been the pied wagtail. 

Your thoughts can wreck your body. 
The easiest way to lose weight is by being really, really happy. 
You will never be thin enough or fat enough or fair enough or good enough for society -- something will always be wrong. 
With them. 

I really miss the days when blogging was about writing honestly. 
Now writing, at least on an online public platform, seems to be marred by SEO optimization and character limits. 
I've even seen people voluntarily add a "Tweet this!" button next to sections of text. I cringe at that. 
But then again, I hashtag the life out of my comics on Instagram, so who am I to complain? 

I have over 300 comics waiting to be sorted, but I use up all free time to keep drawing new ones. 
Seems like an awful waste of time to be sorting out stuff from the past. 
That applies in other contexts, too. 

I am highly attracted to driven people. 
I don't think I can ever stop drawing or writing, irrespective of what people think of it. 

Social media has also made us more conscious of ourselves and the image we want to create. 
The more driven we are by external likes and shares, the less likely we are to write something which isn't measured by how readers are likely to react. 
I think there is some kind of manipulation involved there, even if we are not aware of it. 

I believe that good creative work comes from an internal impulse. 

I always come home to writing because I feel like I have nothing to prove. 
I have nobody to please. 
It's such an enormous relief. 

I've become awfully conscious of what I let out of myself online. 
But I read so much online, and the best lessons are from others' personal experiences. 
It's an age where we can no longer be completely free -- every move is being watched. 
At least when we were younger, we only thought that God (and sometimes Santa Claus) was watching us. 

Contentment is overrated. 
I'm a little scared of being content -- I feel like it will be the point where all this passion and motivation dies down. No?  

I love making music. 
Jazz is complicated. 
The more you don't understand it, the more beautiful it gets.
I guess that's what draws me to it so much. The mystery. 
Other times, I just listen to disco. 

I'm an email person and I would pick email over phone conversations with clients most of the time. 
Couples often tell me their long and complicated love stories (to be illustrated), and each time, I feel so awed by the power of love. 
Love moves mountains. 
It causes enormous upheavals on the ground beneath your feet, for sure. 

No matter how many clients I work with, the best rewards come as emails from people who respond to a particular comic or piece of writing. 

Sometimes I wonder if I've been 'too nice' in the past. Especially to people who've not been so nice to me.
I had someone say something really mean about one of my comics on Reddit this year. I responded to them, and they quickly apologised, saying they had no idea the OP would actually read all the comments. 
Funny what anonymity can do to people. 

Working from home can be both liberating as well as isolating. 
With a remote job, I always fancy that I'll work under the trees in a park, or run off to some fancy mountain resort. 
But what I really want is a desk in a quiet corner within four walls. 

I really want to explore India...  
... On a deeper level. Live in longer periods in the villages, lose myself in busy towns, be overwhelmed by the cities. 
Mostly interact with the incredible variety of people and learn from their experiences. 

I love meeting new people. 
I love house parties. 
I like reading books and watching movies about space. 

I learnt only two years ago that hens lay eggs every day, and that not all the eggs we eat were meant to hatch. 
I also learnt only this year that there are gigantic cables under the sea that connects most of the world, and these were actually used for telephones/telegraphs earlier. 
That's quite mesmerizing. 
The more new things I discover, the more I realize that the number of things I don't know about is actually much more than I thought. 

This year, I've watched a ton of life-changing movies. As a book-over-movie person, never thought I'd say this! 
We evolve. 
I'm uncannily like my mom in many ways. 
Time doesn't heal. Not as much as willingness does. 

"You have a great future." I heard this sentence first when I was 13 and then again recently at 29. Got me confused -- isn't this my future already? 

I've realised that I write to remember, not to forget... it's not so much of a vent than wanting to hold on to a moment or an experience.  
I write to capture a feeling, a story or an emotion that I don't want to lose. 
Then I forget all about it, with the comforting knowledge that I can now revisit it at any time. 
I never do. 

The compulsion to write seems to stem from wanting to hold on. 
I feel slightly upset when I can't remember my dreams. Guess that follows the same pattern. 

Falling in love is so hard on the knees. 
But real love doesn't bring you to your knees. 

Self-control is a wonderful thing. 
Just knowing that you have the power to pick and choose how you react (or how much you are affected by something) can make a huge difference. 

I've been incredibly blessed to have the most amazing support system anyone could ask for -- my family, friends, well-wishers, relatives, mentors, teachers, readers, and more. 
I'm really grateful to have all of you in my life. 
I've taken in the world for 30 years. 
My eyes are not the least bit tired. 
I can't get enough! 
30 is going to be awesome.