the birthday post - 36

36! 

The years are going by so fast, I’m trying to keep up. 

I hope the years go slower and slower from now on. 

I want to craft and live a life that is rich, authentic and abundant. 

But most importantly I want to craft my life with clarity, intent and fearlessness. 

I hope I feel triumphant every November, rather than wondering what on earth I did all year.  

This year I spent over 6 months nursing a broken thumb – months that kept me off drawing, writing and playing the piano – things I loved doing most. 

It was an interesting lesson in patience.

It was my first (and fascinating) experience of watching a piece of my body crack and magically self-heal.

How powerful, our bodies. 

 

It was during this time that I turned to the “do the bare minimum” phenomenon. 

You know, those “just get work done, just get through the day” kind of days. 

I’ve had plenty of days like those this year. 

Initially I felt pretty good. Watching mindless TV was just that – mindless – a relief from having to work my brain. 

But soon I didn’t really like it.

I like doing stuff. 

I like doing things that give my life meaning. Writing, drawing, music, reading, swimming, walking. 

Of course, you can choose anything and declare that it will give your life meaning. Free for all. Pick anything and hang on to it for dear life. 

But not just one, choose 2 or 3 things you think will give your life meaning.

One needs options.

I’ve decided that volunteering to make the world a better place isn’t necessarily superior to watching a movie in your free time. 

Because in the end it’s about what makes YOU feel sane and happy and that’s the only thing that matters, the only thing within your control, the only thing that will make a difference to people around you. 

So how does it matter whether you get there by watching mindless TV or by swimming or by producing a piece of art? 

Plus, you know: In the end, nothing matters. 

When I say “the end” I mean not just the end of the world, but that of many worlds, of many universes, the length of time the human brain can barely conjure up. 

That’s what I think anyway. How can anyone prove otherwise? Who knows what will happen in the future and if even human existence is of any consequence in the large (very large) picture? 

That's why it's important to identify things that will give our lives meaning. 

Isn’t it amazing that the whole world is just a product of our brains? 

The biggest gift a human being can have is the gift of cognition, this beautiful, beautiful gift of being able to think, remember, perceive. 

I’m baffled by the number of pictures people take of themselves taking pictures of themselves. Why are there so many pics of people taking their own selfies? 

A highlight of this year was watching lugworm squiggles on the beach (look it up if you don’t know what it is! Amazing stuff.). 

Other highlights were walking through wildflower meadows, taking a dip in a very cold waterfall, and watching a glacier from a train through Norwegian mountains. 

I hope I’m always excited by natural wonders, wherever I am.  

I hope I never lose enthusiasm for the smallest of things. 

This year, I got to connect with a lovely person online who’s translating my work into French. 

A serendipitous meeting! Who knows where this will go? I'm just going to enjoy the journey! 

I’m grateful that my work has brought me in contact with so many incredible people all over the world who’ve connected with me both online and offline. 

Human connections matter.

What are we here for if not for each other? 

Funny/interesting things I heard this year: 

“Oh you are married?! Oh your husband is at work now? That’s great. Men should work. Women should go on holiday. Hahaha.”  - Bulgarian cab guy who was driving me to the airport.

"One version we project at one point cannot be a constant… we keep growing and changing with different experiences." – Friend, about me worrying what someone at work thought of me.

"That’s okay, our interests and ideas evolve..." – Mother-in-law, when I said I’m no longer sure I like drawing comics.

"There are lots of people who have kids and are happy. There are lots of people who have kids and are unhappy. And vice versa. Your happiness doesn't depend on whether you have kids." – my mom.

"We will start a family fund for your creative business." – my incredibly supportive dad.

"I think you should become a full-time travel writer." – my long-suffering partner who has trudged along on many of my sudden trips.

This year, I’ve had people visit me with no agenda but to simply spend time with me. It was the most flattering, most amazing feeling in the world! How lucky am I!  

I got to reconnect with a lot of old friends this year, and I am so bloody grateful for that.  

Given a few hours to myself in a new city, I am likely to: go for a hike, watch sunrise/sunset, go to a bookshop/library, find a park/zoo/botanic garden. Highly unlikely to visit a museum or historical buildings or do any kind of audio tour (I am terrified of them!).  

To be in the company of living things makes me feel peaceful. 

I miss India more and more by the day. 

I’d love to see and know more of India – from Zuari to Zanskar. 

One day I want to travel across India and write a comic book about its beautiful people and places. 

I am so proud to have had the unique and diverse range of influences I’ve had through my 35 years of life so far – musically, literary, artistically, linguistically, visually... all the allys.

I used to feel really embarrassed as a kid that I couldn’t converse on politics and cricket – two topics that seemed to dominate most adult conversations. 

But today I’m so proud of having been different, that I know exactly what a min7add9 chord sounds like or how to use salt in watercolours.

It’s time we stopped feeling guilty for who we are. 

It’s time we stopped overcompensating for who we are or who we’re not. (#notetoself)

My favourite lyrics in the world are Seek Up by the Dave Matthews Band. 

“Forget about being guilty we are innocent instead. For soon we will all find our lives swept away…” 

I love dragonflies. 

I love swimming. Oh, I do love swimming. It makes me feel relieved, confident, at home. 

I love Punjabi food. 

I love spending time with kids.

I've started to really love cooking. A highlight of this year has been regularly making my mom's melt-in-mouth rotis. 

Nice to have many things to love.

One needs options.

I regret that I’ve become a more closed person. 

I’m cautious about what I say and to whom. 

I don’t really like this person that much.  

I was happier when I was saying and doing things without thinking much, even though it led to much judgement and led to my cautiousness in the first place. 

I was often called fickle and indecisive due to my frequently changing career choices. 

But I think I had enormous amounts of strength to make decisions, to identify and eliminate what wasn’t a good choice for me. Way better than sticking to a bad option knowing it was a bad option and being miserable.  

I think we unnecessarily revere the idea of stability and steadfastness. 

Things need to be fluid, there needs to be space to evolve, the boat needs to be rocked.  

One needs options. 

I dread being static, fixed, tied down. 

I don’t want to ever be in a place where I feel life is just about work and watching some stuff on TV after.

I want to be like a river, meandering, finding new ground, creating patterns, ready to do anything. 

I don’t really like my comics.

I’ve always thought of myself as a writer. 

Comics still feel like a medium where I’m struggling to match what I envision to what I end up producing.

I would like to think and draw stuff beyond stick figures.

I’m really keen to explore what my style as an illustrator is – beyond the minimalism and line drawings. Will I make pretty dainty watercolours? Will I paint large dramatic art canvases? Will I used mixed media or gouache? Who knows. I’m going to find out next year. 

I’d like to be an illustrator. That’s a good option. 

I started to play the bass guitar this year. 

A complete lack of discipline prevents me from doing anything real with it, but hey, it’s good to have the option to be a bassist one day. 

We’ve had friends and family over every month this year. It’s been all kinds of delightful to cook up warm meals and have all these happy laughing faces at home. 

I think I'm getting closer to my dream of being a Great Indian Aunty. 

I like being myself in these posts.

I wonder if people judge me after reading these posts. 

But then I remember, everyone’s too busy getting photographed while taking selfies.  

Somedays I feel like the relentless positivity I had in my twenties has been replaced by a sharp cynicism. 

But thankfully those moments are short-lived. 

I have to say that I have a deep rooted fear of cynicism. I indulge it whole-heartedly once in a while, but I would hate to turn permanently to the Dark Side.

So I try to keep myself in check. 

 

This year I've learned to accept myself, even the bits of me that I dislike.

When I look in the mirror I find that I'm decidedly a big fat NOT BAD.

I will say goodbye to guilt and hello to self-appreciation.

When you can be who you truly are, you can do anything.

There are so many options.

And one always needs options.

With that, I conclude my wise words and get busy being 36.